Tis the season

Hello everybody,

I hope you all had an amazing Thanksgiving and got stuffed! Mine was great, that is all three of my thanksgivings :p
I had a Mexican thanksgiving with my friend Erica and her family. It was very interesting they still had turkey, rolls and mashed potatoes but along with that they had some sort of beans and chillie. It was Delicious :) I then had actual Thanksgiving at my fathers house in Missouri on Thanksgiving day, I got to see family I have not got to see in a long time. The next day I woke up super early to go Black Friday shopping.. Ok, maybe not so early four o'clock in the morning with my friends. My family went at 12 but they stick to a schedule and it gets stressful so I decided to have fun and go with my friends this year. I took my friend Ashley and her boyfriend Erik then 2 of our foriegn exchange students who have never been Black Friday hopping before. All in all we had a lot of fun I didn't get back until 2 O'clock. It was a veryyyy long day. I then went to hang out with my friends after. Today I just had thanksgiving with my mom at our house. The best food I've had :)
I finished my school play a few weeks ago! Leaving Iowa. I had 2 parts one as a smaller part, Judy who owns a hog farm in the middle of Kansas then I played an understudy as a main character of the sister.
Anyways Winter is here :D my favorite time of the year. I can't wait for snow so I can go sledding and drinking hot chocolate and wrapping Christmas presents.

I'll think of you every step of the way..

So, I've missed writing..
I really want to get back into it so I think I'll try to everyday especially now that I know there is an app for my phone.
A lot, let me get that clear A LOT. has been going on lately in my life.. a lot of senseless drama at school.. but ehh.. its High School, the "best years of our lives". I just find that sad if it really is.
So the weathers changing, its so beautiful outside. I love fall, I love the Bright Oranges, Reds, and yellows. After that follows Winter which I am soooo excited about.
I've done a bunch of reading latley, some good books
-Finding Alaska
-Whip it
-Impossible by.. idr who.. but I'll get back to you on that later
Im about to start a series and I'll tell you how it goes.
I've changed a lot from when I first started this blog. First off I'm seventeen now, have a car, back in public school, new friends, new living sitiuation, and mostly me myself and what I enjoy and who I am has changed.
anyways.. I'll talk about it in later post, for now I'm going to eat my favorite meal Hot wings, and relax.. which I really don't get to do anymore.

Every story has its beggining.

So hey there,

Here I am in third block at school today, I just try to keep you guys updated whenever I can.
How is everybody doing?
Me? I'm actually doing pretty well. I've had an awesome past few weeks with friends. Right now I really feel like I have the best friends in the world. Aubrey, Erica, Tucker, Tyler, Ethan, all of them, they are just really cool people.
So latley I've reallly been wanting to go on a diet, idk I just feel like its time.. I'm really no where I'm supposed to weigh and I just want to be healthy.
I finally got a car to drive temporarily, just my brothers Kia, it'll do for now. I miss my blazzer, which pretty much won't start. Fantastic right?
School, eh. Its school. I actually tried to go back to online school, but they wouldin't accept me. which sucks. sooo I'm stuck here, but I will just make the best of it. Football game last Friday was really fun I must admit, but thats because I was with Aubrey and Erica the whole weekend and they guys were there most of the time.
Well anyways, things are going good, hope for the same for you too!
Love, Danielle

hiiii

Hi guys, I am in my reading workshop class. so.. my friends want you to add them on facebook... so DO IT

Tucker... he wants a cupcake,, send it to him at (well he does not know his address, ask on fb)
facebook: CapnTukTuk@aim.com (facebook.com/CapnTukTuk)

Aubreyyy. send cute pictures to her facebook Aubrey DerpasaurousRex Arterburn (she does not know if she capitalizes rex part or not) ADD HER!

Amber: wants kittens her facebook is oteptribe@yahoo.com

have a nice day, bye (:

Latley

So everybody, I know I have not updated you guys in a long time. A lot has been going on and my world is changing so fast to even have time to do this sort of stuff. So summers about to come to an end, its been a very hot and dreadful summer, ufortunatly. I decided to go back to public school at the last minute after taking the two classes all summer. I felt as if I no longer had the motivation to do online school anymore. Although, now thinking about it I somewhat regret my decision and wonder if I should go back before we get to far into the school year.

Oh so many things that I would rather not talk about but must inform you about, Me and Tyler broke up ehh. 2 months ago. I really don't think we are friends anymore sadly to say, but thats just the way things are.

Joy, one of my older sisters came back for a month in the end of July through August, I miss her terribly now. Having her back was like she was never gone in the first place. Her daughter Lilliana, who I helped raise for some of her life and Claire who is growing up so fast were as lively as ever and I enjoyed playing and babysitting them in the little time that I did have. The main reason that they were back was because Joe got back from Iraq and wanted to visist his family. While they were here my older sister Hannah happily married Tim, my new brother and law combining there 2 familys he, with a girl and a boy Abby and Elli. Hannah with my two neices Kyla and Simone. I am  overjoyed for them.

So I finished my two classes this summer.  I enjoyed spending time with my friends and family, taking long swims in the swimming pool and making a fire out back and looking at the stars. I wonder what could possibly be out there so far beyond where we are. If I could I wish I could stop it all, stop time because it definatly does go to fast. I just passed my seventeenth birthday, I know that is not that old... but to me.. it seems like it and I am somewhat dreading the 18th birthday. My blazzer decided to break down before school and so I have to ride the bus.. sadly... well. I HATE IT! my busdriver just yells and drives way to fast, freaks me out!

I'd like to get back into writting because I have missed it so much, I really just have not known what to write in the past from what I have gone through.

For the future, I am excited for so many things. I may be excited, but I am also scarred at the same time. I guess you can never really know what going to happen until it does, but by then.. it will be the past.

hmm (:

So it sooo hot out! Parents won't turn on air conditioner because we cant afford it, but that's ok.. I'll suck it up. After talking with the family they said that we wouldin't be moving till at least next spring which kinda makes me happier.. but I should not be as selfish its there decision.. It's there life and I will be 18 in a year! exciting right!? ehh. Im thinking once I graduate I want to travel around for like a year, I don't know we will see how things happen. I've also been thinking about taking 2 years of college and becoming a dental hygenisist. These next few weeks should be great! I'm excited.. Tomorrow me and Tyler are going out to the movies and seeing super 8! I'm excited.. yeah I'm sorta into those movies.. I mean I love movies most girls don't.. Matrix, x-men, ect. This weekend we are celebrating 4th of July early and I'm sooo excited to make my Peach Pie.. Its so Delicious. We will be shooting off fireworks and swimming in the pool.. On the fourth of July Me and Tyler are going out to the Fireworks show, I have not been to one in a long time! In a few more weeks Joy and Lilly!!! my little niece lilly.. love her probably more then anybody else in the world.. she is so special.. shes 3 and I've helped raise her half of her life.. ok Lilly, claire (baby) and her husband joe will be returning home for my sister Hannahs wedding! then we will be going on a trip to a cabin in Arkansas! sounds exciting right? well I am! How are all of you and what are your plans?

latley.

So the past few weeks have gone by really slowly. I am getting very tired of school work. It consumes my whole day and I just enjoy it so much when I get out of the house. Which is only about 2 or 3 times a week just running errands or hanging out with Tyler. Last weekend I got to enjoy the drive-inn movies with the whole family, first thing to check off on my summer to do list (: a little late though.. it seems. We saw Kung Fu Panda and Green lantern but I really did not watch them because my mind was in other places. It was very nice to see the family though. Recently my sister who has two daughters was going through a custody battle with her ex husband and got custody of the 2 girls so we are very glad about that. I was worried about leaving because it had started lightning a lot and I thought it was going to start pouring in my car! luckily the movie ended about 10 minutes before it started pouring. I let my step dad drive my car because, well I'm a little scarred of driving in the rain when it gets bad and I knew it was going to get bad. We were headed home on a four lane highway when my step dad started to hydroplane.. we were not hydroplaning before and it just seemed to take control. He knew something was going on so he tried to get to the outside lane away from the wall where we were at. Thank god he made it over there because we ended up doing 4 360 turns right in the middle of the highway. Luckily there were no cars around.. It scarred me so much I closed my eyes because we were coming back around to the wall with our car backwards which now meant my side of the car was on the wall. and we were about to hit the wall when we stopped oh so short of it. Thank god... I was freaked out for the rest of the night though.. we went slow. It's very funny because I had just prayed about 5 minutes previous to it happening that we would all get home safely. I know god answered my prayers (: It was freaky though just seeing those cars approaching while your doing turns, it was kinda in slow motion. Anyways that was about a week ago and now everything's okay except that my mom is thinking about moving an hour away where I would have less people to socialize with... I'm already lonely as it is. anyways that is it for now.

Recent pictures!

Me a litlle bit ago.. more make up then usual!

Tyler and Me.. we decided to go to the arcade at the mall that day. Hes goofy!
Below my pool.. some stuff is messy from a recent wind storm! I enjoy my daily swim.

Me.. I finally decided to get a pair of shorts.. I'm very self conscious with my body.

Enjoy (: <3 Danielle

update!

So how is everybody doing? I know its been awhile! I've been verrryyyy very busy. Life just gets to you sometimes you know. In the past few weeks I've been finishing up school and I started my summer school which is way more difficult then I thought it would be. If I want to finish it before next years school starts too I have to do so much work in a day. I finally got a car, a pass down from my step father.. yes I'm almost 17 and have had my license since I was 16. Its a golden blazer.. not bad.. the radio does not work and the air conditioner is not the best.. I'm thinking about selling it already and buying a car that gets better gas millage. The pool in my backyard is up and I enjofreiy my daily swims (: Me and Tyler my best friend in the past month have discovered feeling that go beyond friendship in the past month and are now in a relationship.. nothing serious. More best friends then anything.. its good its the way things should be.. I have so much fun with him and he makes me happy (: hes an amazing guy..
This week I will be going to look for jobs.. I don't know how I'm going to do it since I do school all day but I will have to find a way.. I need money for college.. and then. There is NO possible way I am NOT going to college. Its a must! I just have a busy schedule!
I got to enjoy this weekend though.. My sister Amy who lives in Lawrence and goes to college at KU came down for the weekend. I spent Saturday with Tyler and we went to Massachusetts St. and looked in the shops.. no im not one of those really girly girls that will make him go shopping with me.. I mean.. I don't think I was that bad.. we went into American Eagle and Urban Outfitters and that was it.. So.. Then after that we went to Clinton lake.. Did not go swimming, just enjoyed the drive and the lake. I packed us sandwhiches and chips! We enjoyed talking and I got a little burnt :/ me and my pale self!.. Today I slept in a little and when I woke up I found out the family was planning on going to the Farmers Market down in Kansas City. I thought it would be nice to go too. So we all pilled up in the car and took the hour drive down there. I love going to the city and seeing all the tall buildings though.. its just.. so pretty! we arrived at the Market a little late so there was not as much but its still very nice! We bought some onions and peppers, tomatoes, pears, and bought some amazing bread! we then decided to eat lunch there and I got some sort of Gyro? kinda like a bread pocket with some sort of curry chicken in it, it was delicious! the family decided to have some hot dogs LOL.. we then came back home and did house chores. I got my car cleaned and washed! it was dirty from my step dad! well.. thats all I have to update! I'd love to hear from all of you? how is summer going? Ill try to post more often.. but you know how it is :)

nine

An update since last week. I don't know sometimes I feel like I just have nothing to say. Thats why I have not written. Its not like I have to explain it to you anyways though. Ive got some cleaning done this week, been playing my guitar and hanging out with my best friend Tyler a lot more often. Summer has fatly approached and now I have started schooling for summer, I'm still trying to finish up the remaining things I have left at Insight. My car is still broken, or will it ever be fixed? I cant wait to go swimming. I have 10 acres in the middle of the  country and the thing to do to cool off and keep busy is go swimming in my pool. I have so many plans for this summer! I have a list actually that I would like to get done. I don't like my life to be boring i'm just sort of one of those people who will do anything to be happy and have fun and make other people feel the same way so. A list of things I wanna do: I want to go to the drive-in movie theater, go bowling, to the arcade, go to the lake, go camping, go to the art museum, science city, worlds of fun (amusment park), sliterbombs (water park), the legends, go ice skating. Thats only a few of the things and I hope to get it all done this summer. anyways, I have to go get ready! hanging out with friend tonight. Ill update within the next week (:

8

So.. I guess that school will not be over for me this summer. I currently attend an online school and the last day is June 1st so I will be completed with my sophomore year. This summer will be a very busy summer filled with family, friends, work, and school. Yes school! I will be taking two classes this summer so I can gain 2 credits with a school called National high school. Its not a public school which means we have to pay for it. I mean we as in my parents and I. Which means I will be taking on a job too! sounds fun? right.. So your probably wondering what I'm doing this all for? Or I must be crazy. I want to graduate a year early. That does not mean I'm going to be completing my whole junior year this summer. next year when I start school back up with the same school i'm going to right now Insight school of KS I will be taking extra classes which will allow me to graduate with other students next June (: a year away pretty much. So a lot will be happening in the next year and I'm sure I will have some bumps in the road but I'll learn how to get past them. I'm excited though. My plans are to go out to North Carolina to live after I graduate. I realize that is going to be a difficult task to do but I'm going to do everything in my power to do it. I will be out there some day. So its good to keep numbers, dates in my head, ect. I got to stay on top of things. So this summer I should be taking 2 classes probably English III and world or US history.  Working, Studying for SAT's next year. I will only be taking them once :o. In the fall I should be getting senior pictures (: Then the actual SAT's, State assessments, ect. Then finally the moment Ive been waiting for for 12 years. Graduation :D. I will probably work that summer and I'll be 18 in august, by then I hope to have enough money to go to NC. then I will follow a year there and go to college at UNCC or a surrounding community college. wish me luck!

day seven

Okay sorry I have not posted for the past few days, It has not let me log onto this.
I feel sooo Inspired after a few days of not getting everything else out. I was going through Sarah Mclachlans music and facebook page. Her music is so inspirational. You should listen to it!

Today. The subject is. Forgiveness
Its such a big word, a word that some of us can not come into reason with in our lives. Some of us hold grudges our whole life. We are hurt, somebody hurts you in your lifetime. very badly. I have been hurt so much by people my whole life. I just try to get through it the best I can.  you just have to forgive. You can hold a grudge you whole life. you have to be able to forgive and move on. that does not mean you go back to the same ways, same thing that happens. its meaning your saying its okay, im going to move on. How are you going to live life if your not truly happy? think about all the stuff that is holding you back? should it be holding you back? are you stronger then that. I know its hard to be strong sometimes in the world that is fighting so much to bring you down. In forgiveness you have to be able to forgive yourself to forgive others. I forgive all the friends I had that gave up on me, who turned there back on me. I forgive myself for not being perfect, not always being the nicest person to people, for thinking i'm nothing, that different is a bad thing. I forgive the people who have given up on me. My mother for not always listening to me, for not always being there for me. My father for not caring, not showing he does, not being in my life because he cant forgive himself for all the hurt he has done himself. I forgive myself for thinking that this all should be perfect. nothing is perfect. we need to forgive and move on. stronger.

sixth day.

Today. was a better day. I got a few things done today such as, getting my messy room cleaned.. I know I can be lazy sometimes and clothes just pile up till it almost looks like I have little mountains in my room. Not good.. I know. Played the guitar for hours. I can't describe my love for music, Its just there, its wonderful (: I play the guitar and piano. My parents bought me a guitar back in my eight grade year when I had first started taking guitar lessons. Its a ephiphone electric/acoustic
I played that for hours today. I also sing if I did not mention that, yes. I was in choir for 4 years. I plan on making a music video soon actually. The song Hallelujah by Kate Vogelle. First off I need to get the song down though, don't you think. Once I do I'd be happy to share it with the world.
I want to learn how to play the drums, I think it would actually be very cool. but I also want to further my knowledge in playing guitar. Anyways how is everybody out there doing? It'd be awesome to talk sometime.

Five.

Today was just one of those days that sucked! It felt like it dragged on forever.. I know we all have those days. I'm just so tired. Where are my friends when I need them most? I feel like everybody is just ignoring me today. It sucks. Just about every single one of my friends. I want to start over so bad sometimes. I can only remind myself though, that the past has made me who I am today. My past.. Hurts a lot. I only have myself really to blame for putting myself in some situations and letting people hurt me right? I don't know. I have a big problem with trusting people. It seems whenever I start to trust somebody they turn around and do something so bad to lose my trust.. Why.. can't people just be honest? is it so hard.. Whats so hard about that? I really just don't understand people a lot. Or maybe I am just so different. I just feel like I don't belong sometimes.. I just feel like giving up :'(

Its hard to be stronger, I just have to keep trying.. keep trying, I know..

day four

Whats on my mind tonight? Summer. I live in Kansas and it sure felt like summer today. I really dread the hot weather. Also on that note though, Summer is wonderful as in.. first off. NO SCHOOL! ok.. thats like the coolest thing about summer. Hanging out with friends, the friends that I do have. Summer loves, staying up late, the partying. ect. The heat.. for me is just unbearable. I actually have a pool in my backyard, its nice living out in the country, 10 acres. nothing to do! No.. I'm not a country girl. I love shopping, girly things, ect. I cant wait to swim though! I want to visit the lake, Wish I could visit the ocean.. but I will next year when I am 18! :) I love camping in the summer, who is with me? 4th of July :D.. then my birthday will roll around at the end of summer.. August 4th. I will be 17.. eh nothing really exciting about 17.. nothing really exciting about 18 too except your own freedom.. its sad how we get older. I wish I could still run through the sprinklers, spin around in circle, ect. Like nothing was important then.. Is anybody else scarred about getting older? like in my situation?.. we should talk sometime.. I love talking to people who I can relate too.

Anyways.. today was mothers day. where would we be without mothers, seriously? I love my mom to death and she has always been here for me. We have had our differences of course, I have sometimes felt really left out because I am the littlest of 5.. it sucks, like I feel like I have no time with my mother sometimes. anyways, whatever. Hope everybody had a good mothers day :)

day three

Today, Today was. Amazing. You can clearly see I'm happy right now. I know I'm really sorta just talking to myself at this point but, whatever. You know how awesome it is to get out of the house every now and then? especially when your stuck at home on the computer all day doing school? yes, I know your thinking. wow. I actually had a lot of fun.

Friendship.

Its a big word to me, A word that means a lot. I've had many people come into my life saying that they were my friend and would always be there for me. All those people turned there back on me at one point or another. I cant say every single one of them it was all there fault.. because we all make mistakes. but honestly.. I try to be the nicest, sweetest girl to people. It hurts, cuz i've had so many people come into my life that I thought would be there for me. They have all pretty much played me. What do people think a friend is now days? like. I just want somebody I can talk to, and understand me, be there. you know? isint that what its supposed to be like?..

Today. I got to visit my friend Tyler, a boy. We started being friends last year during my ninth grade year. He has always really been here for me. we have sorta had a rocky friendship during the summer because of certain reasons. but we sorta just like.. I don't know how to explain it. we can talk for hours and I really like that, cuz I haven't been able to do that with other friends. I'm glad I have somebody like that. :)

day two.

Fear.

Its such a big word I might say.
Theres so many things a person can fear.
I'm not one of those people who are constantly worried and scarred you know. but we all have are moments.
You know whats scary? To think about the future. To think about all the endless things that could happen. I'm only 16, but yeah.. I worry about it a lot! I plan a lot. I get mad when things don't go according to plan too. No does not mean I don't like to be spontaneous.. because trust me. I do.
You cant know what the future is going to be like.. you can only know whats in this moment, that will make the future different.
What I think of a perfect future? of course every girl dreams about her life.. her marriage, kids, ect. and don't think i'm any different from that right there. except I know nothing is perfect and I don't go into such detail.. I just know what I would like.:I would like to get married to somebody who understands me and loves me for all that I am. I want kids.. but not for a long time. talk about fear. there you go. I want to travel, I love to travel. I love to be outdoors. I want to be able to enjoy life, I want to be able to move to North Carolina.. Its so pretty out there. Like. Unbelievable. and I want to live till I'm old with my love.
Is that to much to want? I mean every girl can dream. I fear that its not going to happen.
I worry all the time for some reason about my own life ending suddenly.. before I have the chance to live it. Is anybody else the same way? or losing somebody close like family, friends. ect.
fear is always here, and it does not go away

Fear

May 5th (day one)

As you can clearly see by the title today is May 5th.

Let me explain a little about me... 

I attend an online school, yes they do have that for high school. I was fed up with all the drama at my old school and just sorta wanted to break away. Its made me stronger and happier now.. 

It seems that you can never clearly get away from drama and people who create it I have learned now. 

I was never the popular girl, or the loser. I just simply.. did not fit in. and thats okay now, I'm glad with who I am because I know I'm a good person. 

I think my past experiences in life have led me to be the person to who I am now. My parents getting divorced was a big impact on my life. My father was not the best man and my mother did what she had to do for all of us to be happy, I don't remember it much because I was so little. It hurts whenever I hear them talking about it though because I can just feel how much they were hurt.

It was a long process, my parents getting divorced, and I was put through what a child should not be. My parents decided to get divorced in my first grade year and did not finish papers until fourth grade. By my fourth grade year my dad had a girlfriend and my mom was engaged to a wonderful man who is now my step dad. 

We grew together as a family and started a new life in Kansas where my step dad lived. I started school here which started out okay, but by my ninth grade year I dreaded going to school. Mainly because of certain people. I begged my mom to get me out, Id come home a lot of days and just cry. It hurt. It hurts to be back stabbed, or lied to, or bullied, all of it hurts. why do people do it I wonder, to feel better about themselves? I know I could never do that to anybody..

anyways, I moved on you see now. Ive made new friends, new school. 

Stronger <3